Dr. Eggman
I APPEAR TODAY TO MAKE A HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT!
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS A RRRAMBUNCTIOUS RRRAPSCALIAN RRRODENT! HE URINATED ON MY LUCINDA! THAT'S CORRRECT! HE TOOK HIS HORRIBLE HORNY HEDGEHOG DICK OUT AND HE URINATED ON MY LUCINDA. AND HE PROCLAIMED THAT HIS PINGAS WAS "THIS BIG", AND I REBUTTLED WITH GREAT DISTASTE!
I WILL MAKE AN OUTRAGE UPON THIS HASTY HOOLIGAN HEDGEHOG WITHIN TWITTER ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB!
DEAR SONIC THE HEDGEHOG,
YOUR GENITALIA IS MINUSCULE! IT IS APPROXIMATELY THE SIZE OF THIS WALNUT, BUT NOT QUITE AS LARGE. I HAVE A SPLENDID SURPRISE FOR YOU; IT IS THE SIGHT OF MY OWN PINGAS!
THAT IS CORRECT, YOU RRRRIDICULOUS RRRRRAT. ALL POINTS. NO QUILLS. NO CUSHIONS. ANALYZE IT; IT IS LIKE TWO TESTICLES AND A LIGHTNING ROD!
HE FORNICATED WITH MY LUCIDNA, SO WATCH WHAT I WILL DO; I WILL FUCK THE EARTH, BUT I WILL NOT RELEASE MY URINE UPON ITS SOIL. I WILL AIM MUCH HIGHER. I'M URINATING ON THE MOON!
DID YOU FIND PLEASURE IN THAT, OBAMA? I URINATED ON THE MOON, YOU DUNCE-LIKE, NOTORIOUS DOUBLE NIG!
YOU HAVE TWENTY THREE HOURS, BEFORE THE MICRRRODRRROPLETS RAIN UPON YOU! NOW LEAVE MY SIGHT, BEFORE I DEMOTE YOU TOO!